The Feminism Project: Part Two

I am so happy to introduce the second part of my Feminism Project! (You can read the first part here.) The point of this series is to present the various opinions on feminism! This first guest post is by my very best friend, LM, and she'll be sharing her anti-feminism views. I would just like to say that my blog is a great place for intellectual debate, but malicious and hateful comments will be reported and deleted. 

I don’t often tell people that I am not a feminist. I usually get a response along the lines of, “Oh, so you think all women should be barefoot, pregnant, chained to the stove, and beat by their husbands? Is that it?” It can be hard to write about feminism because it seems that no one can agree on what “feminism” means. I don’t consider myself a feminist, but I do consider myself a supporter of human rights, meaning that every human has the right to be treated with respect, to be safe, and to have access to such things as shelter, food, water and basic medical care. I don’t believe that any woman anywhere should be abused, ridiculed, or made to feel like less of a person. To me that is not “feminism”, that is just basic human rights.

But like I said, no one can give me a straight answer on what feminism means. All my coworkers are feminist and we were having a conversation about it the other day. I said that it seems to me that a lot of so-called feminists associate sex with liberation and the result is that on MTV, in ads, in movies and on TV women are wearing less and less clothes, engaging in very sexually explicit activities on camera and the message seems to be that the ultimate goal in life is to be sexy to men and thus these women are treated as sex objects (the men too for that matter). My coworkers insisted that feminism is not about that, that feminism is about educating and empowering women and they agreed that women should not be treated like sex objects. Ok, fine. But then I went home and a different coworker had posted this link on her Facebook: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/24-lies-people-like-to-tell-women/#9OQDHfAXvlK3XDui.01 . Most of it was ok, until I got to the part where the author basically treats prostitution as a legitimate career choice (when in fact it is exploitation and commerce of human beings).

What I am getting at here is that when I think about the word “feminism” I don’t just see human rights for women, I also see many things that go against my beliefs: legal abortion on demand, no-fault divorce, the sexual revolution, children seen as burdens, pornography and prostitution as “empowerment”, and the push to get women out of their homes and into careers so that they can be doubly stressed trying to take care of children and have at the same time what they would consider a successful career.

I have a Bachelor of Arts and I have lived in France twice and Germany once and I will be starting a new program in translation studies at the U of A in fall. Another thing that I often don’t tell people is that the one career I truly want to have in life is to be a wife and mother. I want to stay at home to raise my family and take care of my husband. In times past when I have said this I have literally seen people’s jaws drop and heard responses such as, “But you are so talented! Don’t you want to do something with your talents?” and “You are so smart, you could do so much more!”, “Don’t you want to make money and travel the world?” and (verbatim), “Only dumb girls stay at home.”  The assumption behind all this is that you cannot use your talents and intelligence for your own family, making money should be top priority, and raising a family is equal to doing nothing with your life. I can’t help but blame feminism for this attitude.  

In all honesty, I can’t imagine a better career than staying at home and using my talents for my own family! I believe that men and women are very different beings and that we (those of us called to marriage, at least) were given a very special role. Different does not mean bad or worse! I believe that women and men are equal in terms of their dignity and worth as human beings, but that doesn’t mean I think they are the same. Feminists that I have talked to often try to deny there being any differences between the two sexes (aside from biology). I think it is degrading to women to want us to be more like men. I do not think that marrying, staying at home, and raising children is any less valuable, difficult or worthwhile than having a well-paying career outside the home. In fact, I can really see the benefit to having the mother of the family stay at home. As a child, I came home after school most days to a dark and empty house, and I would just watch television and snack on unhealthy food. However, when I went to my best friend’s house, I remember her mom always being there to greet us with a smile.

(I would like to add a note here that I do not think every woman is destined for marriage and a life at home with children. I would not want to paint everyone with the same broad brush. It is the attitude behind feminism that I really don’t like).

I am sure many of you will be thinking right now, “But feminists believe in choice! If a woman wants to stay at home I support that.” Like I said before, no one seems to agree on what feminism means, and unfortunately most (if not all) of the feminists I have ever talked to or read about believe that this choice is inferior. In university I had to read Simone de Beauvoir, a leader of the feminist movement in France in the 40s and 50s, and in her book The Second Sex she calls housewives parasites who contribute nothing to society. Things like this leave a really bitter taste in my mouth about feminism.  

There probably are feminists out there who really do believe in choice for women and wouldn’t shame me for wanting to stay at home, and who agree that women shouldn’t try to become like men in order to be equal. Unfortunately, all my personal experiences with feminists and feminism have been negative, and I have been made to feel ashamed or embarrassed for what I really want to do in life. This is why I do not call myself a feminist.